The Boca Nosher

Continuing with some of the short stories I wrote a few years back, here is "The Boca Nosher." Hope you enjoy it. Remember, this blog is available to all of you who might like to publish their short stories, essays, poetry, etc. online. Just E-mail your submissions to me at riart1@aol.com and I will include them.

The Boca Nosher

Jack Lippman


“See that guy over there? The one noshing on the crabmeat spread on crackers. That’s the fifth one I saw him take!”

“Yeah, Lou,” the older Costco employee replied. “I’ve been watching him too. He took a couple of the Hotpockets samples, too. Aren’t they awful? Come to think of it, I‘ve seen him in here a couple of times this week stuffing himself with our giveaway samples.”

“You’re right, I’ve seen him too. Look, look at him now! He has one of those baked ham chunks on a toothpick in his hand, and he’s grabbing another. He’s even shoving one into a baggie and slipping into his pocket for later.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen him do that before too. Probably taking it home for supper”!
No longer smiling, the older man, obviously the possessor of some authority, removed a small camera from his shirt pocket and snapped a picture of the man they had been observing, who was by now sipping his fourth two ounce cup of Ocean Spray melon flavored cranberry juice and strolling over to the woman distributing Sara Lee miniature cherry filled strudel.

“It looks like he is about to leave the food section. I’d like to ask someone from security to follow him. Will you handle it for me, Lou”?

“Sure, consider it done.”

The next afternoon, the two of them reviewed the report from the surveillance team the security agency had assigned to the gentleman they had dubbed “the Boca Nosher.”

After leaving the Boca Raton Costco, he had driven to Delray Beach where he was seen to enter The Boys Farmers Market. Inside, he consumed several chunks of pineapple, four pieces of assorted melon, three paper cups of minestrone and five samples, on crackers, of their spinach dip. He was also noted to have shoved some of the fruit samples and crackers spread with spinach dip into baggies, apparently for later consumption. He then left the store, returned to his car, the report went on, where he was seen to make a phone call, and then re-entered the store repeating his entire nibbling process. This time he also sampled two small cups of a 2004 Australian merlot which was being offered in the wine section. He then drove north to Boynton Beach where the surveillance team lost him in BJ’s parking lot.

“Lou,” call the manager at BJs. See if they are having the same problem with this guy. You might even fax them the picture I took of him yesterday.”

A few minutes later, Lou entered his boss’s office with a smile on his face. “They know the guy, alright. In fact, yesterday, they phoned their regional office as to whether they could have him arrested. He was going back for his sixth sample of Dinty Moore Beef Stew, and the lady dishing it out called the manager. By the way, I faxed a copy of the picture you took to our Lantana store, and the manager up there just called me back. This guy is there at least three times a week, just like here, and in fact, he’s there right now, eating his third helping of a new pepperoni-gefilte fish-pizzette they’re featuring. Are we going to get that here, Boss”?

“Forget the pizette! Get on your cell, tell him to find some reason to hold the guy, and we’re going to drive up there right now. This guy’s noshing has got to be stopped. After all, there gotta be a limit”!

Later that afternoon, the two Costco managers, as well as one of the brothers who run The Boys and the manager of the Boynton BJ’s Food Department, were all assembled in the Lantana Costco’s training room. Seated at a table before them, sipping the Diet Pepsi with which they had provided him, was a middle-aged man wearing a blue golf shirt, khaki pants and sneakers. He had a smile on his face.

“Okay, Mister,” the Costco Manager from Boca started off, “What’s with you? All of our places, Costco, The Boys, BJ’s, we all offer food samples. People try them and maybe some of them buy the product. That’s what it’s all about! But none of us are running an ‘all-you-can-eat buffet.’ You just can’t go around taking unlimited quantities of whatever samples we’re offering. Get it? Either you change your behavior, or we’ll ban you from all of our places of business. Okay”?

“Nope, you can’t do that,” the smiling man replied. With that he pulled out his wallet and badge, identifying himself as an undercover food-handling inspector from the Palm Beach County Health Department.

“If you gentlemen will excuse me now,” he said as he got up from his chair, “I have to get over to Sam’s Club right away. I understand they’re offering sample mini Buffalo wings and cubes of imported Gouda cheese this afternoon.”

He waved back as he walked toward the door, “Bye now, and thanks for the Pepsi.”